Don’t worry, Bostonians: I’m staying in New York

BOSTON — Declining New Yorkers’ hajj to a south and Mar-a-Lago’s roughly $1,700 (including tip) per lettuce wedge, ravioli, tenderloin or drum — with heirloom carrots nonetheless — Champagne and baked Alaska, and fasten in unanimity TV’s Times Square countdown, we in my knowledge went north.

To defeat winds, subzero ice, snowbanked blizzarded Boston. Glad I’m back. Back in New York from anywhere — though generally from New England.

The Boston Globe once wrote nasty about me, observant I’m no longer welcome. Seems years ago during their Red Sox fondle track Fenway, I’d systematic a prohibited dog. Like what else would any inspired tellurian examination a ball diversion break on — frog legs? That prohibited dog was beige! Beige. Ever see a beige prohibited dog? It looked like a Pekingese forsaken it. Forget Nathan’s — this was Fido’s.

So we wrote about it. we wished them a kennelful. And a Globe — on that my dog peed — wrote an editorial opposite me. Its days-ago front page had an ad for “country-style pig gangling ribs, $1.69 a pound.” Front page! And they diss me?

So now, a century later, given we don’t conclude Santa in shorts, we returned to Boston. It’s historic. Tea Party, Plymouth Rock, Freedom Trail, Ye Aulde Meeting House, Samuel Adams and his beer, Bunker Hill, Lexington (which they substantially swiped from a intersection where a Bloomingdale’s sits) and Paul Revere’s one-if-by-land-two-if-by-sea. Had he ridden a dickey during this time of year, he’d have solidified his donkey off.

Cold? Pizzerias used winter-weight olive oil. Hens laid eggs from a station position. Even DiCaprio would’ve OK’d a modeling-agency reject. We’re articulate Arctic frost. Blinding snow. Uniformed military stopped my Escalade. The punishable offense? Its permit plate, entombed in ice thicker than Tonya Harding, wasn’t legible. Really? Here, with some-more universities than anywhere on Earth, what did this patrolman who flunked all 3 R’s cite cover it — suntan oil?

May be a year of a ice cube

While Gisele Bündchen and Tom Brady strolled nearby, and Maggie Gyllenhaal said, “Only indie cinema applaud authentic stories about people,” some of us visited clinging friends in their country-style Massachusetts house.

Understand, a grate hadn’t been illuminated given a Revolution so a funnel sent “up yours” fume signals. Thick black charcoal corroborated into what’s called their “great room.” The boiler, presumably commissioned in a late 1700s, offering a final wheeze and gave adult altogether. No heat. Chilly? Please. Even Paul Manafort’s grin would’ve been larger.

Fifteen of us huddled together 9 days. When astonishing cousins arrived, a carport fast converted to a make-do overnight bedroom finish with heating, rugs, wall coverings, lighting, chairs, cupboard, etc. House Beautiful, no. Garage Beautiful, yes.

More guests?

Some bodies forsaken in to shun a lengthiest available frozen widen in 100 years. Midnight, one high-school cousin detected pity his blow-up mattress with a mouse. The mouse, small. The boy, big. Unfortunately, a horde forgot to bar uninvited guest — or pests.

Also, tarted adult good in advance, a home’s wreaths, trees and twigs, as dusty as Bernie Sanders’ smile, kept dropping. With hunger needles amputating my feet and a housekeeper of 20 years home for a holiday, theory that superfamousVIPimportantNYPcolumnist’s pursuit was to opening a carpeted stairs?

Ringing in ’18

While belles, swells and Washington VIPs — who were, despite temporarily, still employed — danced and pranced, we played Bingo in a pj’s. We worked jigsaw puzzles on party tables. One 500-piece nonplus put together Boston. It was dinky. Melania’s solitaire is larger. But a outrageous vast enormous thousand-piece pursuit decorated New York’s Times Square. Well, we mean, naturally.

I had a tasty time. we can’t consider how to tip it. Maybe with a small travel from Donder and Blitzen, subsequent year Utica?

I could be improved off staying usually in New York kids, usually in New York.

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